I have decided I like this, and that I will try harder to check my spelling and punctuation because even though it works for me to have it all in lower case, and not to pay too much attention to those things as I write (I thank the Buddhist writing teacher Natalie Goldberg for that!!), I want you to jive with me here, to read my words without getting stopped by the lack of recognizable signifiers that tell you when I am starting and ending a sentence, or pausing in between a thought. So I’ll write fast first (first thought best thought said poet Alan Ginsberg) and then I’ll edit and make it all nice and easy to read for you.
Although that doesn’t mean my words will always be nice to read. I don’t know what I’m even going to say in this next sentence, but I do anticipate that it will get somewhat messy, tangled and all over the place, so to speak. I trust myself to fall apart in my writing at times. In my experience I inevitably pick myself up and carry on my way.
So I’m here again already, and there is so much to tell you. I slept well, and I am so close to being done the introduction to my dissertation. It is quiet here today, as it is most days on the farm. Well, there’s some serious construction going on that adds some unbecoming noise to the otherwise serene country atmosphere. There are a few of us who live here, two couples. We work the land, with the expert help of a gardener, pruners, lawn mowers etc. We grow our own veggies, take care of orchards and take hay off one of our bigger pastures. It is a beautiful, magical place to live, as you’ll see from my photos. I love taking photos of the farm, at all seasons of the year-the changes are fantastic, electrifying. An interesting word, straight out of the mouth of John Travolta’s suave character in Grease. “I got chills, they’re multiplying, and I’m losing control, cuz the power you’re supplying, it’s electrifying”.
That is how it feels to live here a lot of the time. Watching the plants move through their cycles, the trees’ parade of colours, leaves moving through from life to death and back to life again. Amazing. I never tire of watching it.
It’s humbling, to witness the awesome beauty of this place beside the human world we live in. And I am the kind of person who likes to witness her own cycles, the births and deaths I move through, spiritually, physically, emotionally, all kinds of petit and grands morts, as the french say of their sexual excitations. There is a strong connection between the erotic and the ecstatic here. Everything is so alive, so sensual. The body is absorbed in a feast of sensory stimulation. Every glance out my window is a treat for the spirit. I am constantly filled up here, constantly inspired.
Now am I speaking of the natural world of the farm, or of these letters? Unsure. It doesn’t matter, the inner and outer or not so separate.